Not an Apology

           One of the more well known parables is the “Prodigal Son.” The story is quite simple. A father has two sons, the youngest one decides he wants his inheritance early, and when he gets it he leaves. He blows his money on wine, women, and song. Then, when he realizes what an idiot he has been, he returns to his father to ask if he can live as a servant in his father’s household. The story resonates for me, for I am the younger of two brothers. It is actually three, but I did not meet the oldest brother until much later in life. I also squandered much in the way of wine, women, and song. I too had that realization of just how badly I had blown it. I too, had the journey of repentance.

        There are those who would hold that our Christian faith is to be lived in contrition for the sins that we have committed. In doing so they move a life of faith into the life of an apology. I believe that we need to come to recognize that we are undeserving of God’s grace. We need to come to those moments when we realize just how badly we had misjudged life. Those are the moments that we need in order to come to grace.

          In the Beatitudes we are taught that being of ‘poor of spirit’ is how we enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I think it needs to be this way, so that we are willing to leave our old concepts behind. The Kingdom of Heaven is just that different than we imagine. I continue to occasionally experience those moments, particularly when I have been a little shit to the Feisty One. I experience those moments often enough that I never rely too heavily on my own understanding. However, those moments are always meant to be in transition, they are not a destination.

          One of the aspects that strikes me with the parable is that the father, God, is not interested in the apology, he is not interested in the practiced speech the prodigal son is about to deliver. The father listens to the first part of it, and then calls for a celebration. If I read the story properly, it seems that the Father is more interested in how the son has come to understand where he needs to be. The story does not end with a “happily ever after” nor does it describe the next day, week, or month after the return of the son.

          We are not called to live an apology. Those moments of “I am a worthless worm” while required are to be short lived. Yes, I should always recognize my short comings, so that as I look upon another, I recall that there but for the grace of God go I. But living an apology is not what I am called to do. There was a time when I did live that apology. That I needed to see that how I approached life was terribly wrong and harmful.

        Then, I was called to live a life of victory. To celebrate the victory that I had experienced over my addiction and the chaos of my life. Honestly, I am grateful that things were that bad. It has been in the stark contrast that I have come to understand the victory that was given to me. Yes, I am to live a life of gratitude. It is funny, that when there is no gratitude one can never have enough. Yes, I am sorry of those truly cringe worthy moments, in the distant and not-so distant past. However, I am called to live a life that celebrates the victory that I now live.

 Anway, that is my opinion.